Kevin’s Theme….

Well, first of all, I am no longer in Florida with my family. Spending 2011 in Florida with family had to be one of the most trying times I’ve had in my life. But, it definitely helped me to put things into perspective and to realize that I had no where to go but up. I did a lot of crying in 2011. Unfortunately, very few (if any) were tears of joy. By the time I wrote my last blog entry in November 2011, I was still out of work, borderline depressed, and caught up in the craziness that was called family.

I had been staying with my brother in Orlando because I thought it would be easier to deal with than staying with my parents. My brother and his wife had taken in 3 older people and had a group home type of setting. They were a 94 yr old early Alzheimer’s woman, a 60’s brain injury woman, and a late 50’s gentleman with bi polar disorder who may or may not have been schizophrenic and with whom I had to share a room with. The deal was that I would help out watching the residents while my brother and sister in law worked. In exchange, I had a place to stay, free meals, and use of their vehicle to go play tennis and for going out if I wanted to partake of Orlando’s gay night life. During this time I was also waiting to see if a catering gig that my brother had connections with was going to come through. Things were starting to look up, right? WRONG!

The catering gig never materialized and after a few weeks I found myself going from resident sitter to a combination of nurse/maid/cook and sometimes therapist. Not what I had imagined at all. Many times I would go to bed and think “how the fuck did I get here?”. Really, how did I get to that point in my life? I mean, it seemed like one minute I’m traveling the world with a well paying job and living in a city that was my heart with awesome roomies and friends that I loved. And then suddenly I’m jobless, penniless, and cleaning up after old people that I wasn’t even related to. I know it wasn’t all of sudden, but I will admit that for most of it I was numb and not really wanting to admit what my life had become. I mean who would? But, there’s always the one definitive day where you finally get snapped out of the numbness and start to take ownership of how your life is turning out and are spurred into action and start to make some changes. That day for me was November 15, 2011.

Walter, my really good friend and frequent travel companion, and I had  talked for 2 yrs about us taking a nice European vacation for his 40th birthday. It was to be a trip that took us to London, Paris, Rome, Barcelona, and Madrid. Well, his 40th birthday was November 17, 2011 and for obvious reasons I was not able to accompany him on this trip. The morning of his flight out of Seattle we instant messaged each other. He had gotten to the airport and had be upgraded to first class. He was beyond excited. I wanted to vomit from sadness and envy. But, I did my best to be happy for him. Although, I may have wished for bad turbulence for most of his flight. What??? Don’t judge me!!! I was at a low point. Anyway, after he boarded and took off I was sitting in my brother’s living room when one of the residents came to me and told me that the 94 yr old resident had an “accident” in the bathroom. An accident that apparently meant she had shit on the bathroom rug and tried to wash it out in the bathroom sink. I had to stop myself from vomiting and clean it up. And that was the moment that I had my breakthrough. November 15, 2011.

As I was gagging and swearing in the bathroom cleaning up this old lady’s shit, I kept thinking over and over again how I was supposed to be on a flight to London for an amazing trip and instead I’m cleaning up shit, doling out daily medications, washing other peoples laundry(nothing says ewww like washing an old man’s underwear with skid marks….Ewww!), and cooking and eating dinner at 5 p.m. every day. I mean I was living in a nursing home and didn’t even realize it.  The shit had hit the fan…literally. I finally had enough. Something had to change. I had to change. I needed to start making things happen for myself and not wait for things to happen to me. It was on that day that I formulated my plan on how to get out of Florida and get myself on my way to financial recovery. I discovered that a previous job that I held in Atlanta was available. I got myself re certified for the position, applied for it, and moved back to Atlanta the next month.

For most of 2012 I felt like I was missing in action.  It was a year of recovery for me. It was the year that I gained solid footing again. I learned a lot about myself. I’m a lot stronger than I ever imagined. I am no longer going to wait on life to happen. I am going to create and make things happen.

It’s 2013 and what’s in store me this year? Not really sure yet. One thing I do know is that 2013 will be the year of new, fun, and exciting adventures. Meeting new people and traveling to new places. But whatever happens I will be sure to take all of you along for the ride. I especially want to thank those of you who offered continuous support and comfort during the last 3 years. You know who you are and I hope that I can repay you in kind one day.

One of my favorite songs is ‘Lola’s Theme’ by the Shapeshifters. It’s an old dance song that’s about 7 or 8 yrs old. A recurring theme in the chorus is “I’m a brand new person, turn my world around!”. It really speaks to how I feel these days. It’s now Kevin’s Theme. What song has become the soundtrack of your life? Leave a comment.

Until next time,

K