The other morning I was watching ‘Good Morning America’ and they had a piece featuring the book, ‘Dear Me: A Letter To My Sixteen-Year-Old Self’ by Joseph Galliano. This book poses the question; “If you could send a letter to yourself aged 16, what would be in it?” It features a collection of letters from 75 celebrities to their younger selves. After seeing this it got me thinking about what I would say to my 16 year old self. Lord knows, he needed some guidance. So, here is my letter…
Dear Kevin,
It’s me or rather you at 38. Please don’t freak out. I know you think 38 is ancient and can’t even imagine being that old. But, trust me, you will come to terms with it and deal with it better than you think. At 38, life has mostly been pretty fabulous. I have to be honest ,though, the last two years have not been easy ones. In fact they have been really hard. But, they are nothing compared to the emotional roller coaster you’re going through right now. But, as usual, things will always get better.
There are a few things that I want to tell you. First and foremost, everything is going to be ok. Contrary to what you have learned from growing up in a very religious household, you are not abnormal. Despite what your family may say, you are not too emotional. But, I have to tell you, the kids at school are right. You are gay. I know you know it’s true. The sooner you accept it the better off you will be in the future. But, It is NOT ok for them to taunt you and to call you names like fag or sissy. It is NOT ok for them to alienate you and make you feel like you don’t belong or that there is something wrong with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are smart, kind, funny, gentle, sensitive, and loving. You are a beautiful person. Remember that. Cling to this truth as you will need to return to it a lot as you leave your teens and enter your 20’s and beyond.
I know you’re scared shitless because you’re afraid mom and dad will find your stash of man porn under your mattress. Here’s some advice. Find a better place to hide your porn. If you don’t, mom WILL find it. And, trust me, it will be extremely awkward. You’re also scared that a certain tall handsome blond on the high school boys basketball team will find out that you have developed a huge crush on him and will stop talking to you, or worse, want to beat you up. Or, that people you work with at the Winn Dixie will find out that you have a few crushes on some of the extremely HOT older college guys that work there. Relax, no one finds out. These will not be your only crushes.There will be many more tall blonds and other types of boys that you will fall head over heels for. Some may return the feeling, some may not. And, falling for older guys is something that will stay with you. Embrace it. Enjoy it. You’ll learn a lot. 🙂
Unfortunately you won’t have anyone to guide you through all of the feelings your experiencing . No one to talk to about your first boy crush, kiss, or many of your other “first times”. It’s ok. This will be a really difficult time but in the end it will make you a really strong person who can handle anything. Right now you don’t have that many friends, and you are really lonely. But, believe me when I tell you that one day soon you will have some really good people come into your life. Hold on to them dearly. They will mean the world to you.
I know you are starting to grow apart from mom and dad. They are frightened by you and have been ever since you waltzed into the room when you were 6 and told them and your older brothers that you thought you were a girl in a past life. They just don’t know what to do with you and they are paralyzed with fear; especially after mom caught you standing in front of the mirror, wearing an off the shoulder number you made with your security blanket and a pair of heels made of Legos and Playdo, practicing your Oscar speech. Just realize that in the end it’s not about you. It’s really about them and their ability to cope. They are going to struggle with this for a long time. Don’t let it derail you. Keep laughing, dreaming, believing in romance, and never lose your sense of whimsy.
Oh, and guess what! You are going to get to live in some pretty amazing cities and travel the world. That list of places you would like to see will go from a dream to a reality. Be sure to buy a good camera. You will also come out of the closet once you leave home. I know it’s hard to even think about it, but it will happen. And, you will be ok. In fact, you will be more than ok. It will make you a better person and you will have a fabulous life. Enjoy the Party!!!
Keep you chin up kid. The best is yet to come. Let’s chat again soon.
Love,
38yr old you
PS-Start going to the gym now. Gay men can sometimes be really judgey. Just saying….
Dear Kevin,
It’s me or rather you at 38. Please don’t freak out. I know you think 38 is ancient and can’t even imagine being that old. But, trust me, you will come to terms with it and deal with it better than you think. At 38, life has mostly been pretty fabulous. I have to be honest ,though, the last two years have not been easy ones. In fact they have been really hard. But, they are nothing compared to the emotional roller coaster you’re going through right now. But, as usual, things will always get better.
There are a few things that I want to tell you. First and foremost, everything is going to be ok. Contrary to what you have learned from growing up in a very religious household, you are not abnormal. Despite what your family may say, you are not too emotional. But, I have to tell you, the kids at school are right. You are gay. I know you know it’s true. The sooner you accept it the better off you will be in the future. But, It is NOT ok for them to taunt you and to call you names like fag or sissy. It is NOT ok for them to alienate you and make you feel like you don’t belong or that there is something wrong with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are smart, kind, funny, gentle, sensitive, and loving. You are a beautiful person. Remember that. Cling to this truth as you will need to return to it a lot as you leave your teens and enter your 20’s and beyond.
I know you’re scared shitless because you’re afraid mom and dad will find your stash of man porn under your mattress. Here’s some advice. Find a better place to hide your porn. If you don’t, mom WILL find it. And, trust me, it will be extremely awkward. You’re also scared that a certain tall handsome blond on the high school boys basketball team will find out that you have developed a huge crush on him and will stop talking to you, or worse, want to beat you up. Or, that people you work with at the Winn Dixie will find out that you have a few crushes on some of the extremely HOT older college guys that work there. Relax, no one finds out. These will not be your only crushes.There will be many more tall blonds and other types of boys that you will fall head over heels for. Some may return the feeling, some may not. And, falling for older guys is something that will stay with you. Embrace it. Enjoy it. You’ll learn a lot. 🙂
Unfortunately you won’t have anyone to guide you through all of the feelings your experiencing . No one to talk to about your first boy crush, kiss, or many of your other “first times”. It’s ok. This will be a really difficult time but in the end it will make you a really strong person who can handle anything. Right now you don’t have that many friends, and you are really lonely. But, believe me when I tell you that one day soon you will have some really good people come into your life. Hold on to them dearly. They will mean the world to you.
I know you are starting to grow apart from mom and dad. They are frightened by you and have been ever since you waltzed into the room when you were 6 and told them and your older brothers that you thought you were a girl in a past life. They just don’t know what to do with you and they are paralyzed with fear; especially after mom caught you standing in front of the mirror, wearing an off the shoulder number you made with your security blanket and a pair of heels made of Legos and Playdo, practicing your Oscar speech. Just realize that in the end it’s not about you. It’s really about them and their ability to cope. They are going to struggle with this for a long time. Don’t let it derail you. Keep laughing, dreaming, believing in romance, and never lose your sense of whimsy.
Oh, and guess what! You are going to get to live in some pretty amazing cities and travel the world. That list of places you would like to see will go from a dream to a reality. Be sure to buy a good camera. You will also come out of the closet once you leave home. I know it’s hard to even think about it, but it will happen. And, you will be ok. In fact, you will be more than ok. It will make you a better person and you will have a fabulous life. Enjoy the Party!!!
Keep you chin up kid. The best is yet to come. Let’s chat again soon.
Love,
38yr old you
PS-Start going to the gym now. Gay men can sometimes be really judgey. Just saying….
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