R.I.P Uncle Herbie…

While most were celebrating father’s day yesterday, my family was mourning the death of my dad’s brother Herbert. Affectionately known as Herbie, my uncle died Saturday evening in Philadelphia. My mother knocked on my door to tell me before laying in her bed and succumbing to tears. My father retreated to the garage (his man den) in silence. The silence was palpable.

This was not a sudden event. Uncle Herbie had been in the hospital for a few months. Still, my aunt  had been unable to accept that he was slipping away. Who could blame her. Uncle Herbie and his wife Bertha, known affectionately as Dolly, had been together close to 70yrs. They have 6 kids, 8 grand kids, and 2 great grand kids and counting. I can only imagine the grief and sorrow that she is going through right now. 

Uncle Herbie and aunt Dolly are my favorite uncle and aunt. Partly because they are the ones I got to see and know the most growing up. But, I just liked them more than the others. I also like to think that of all of their nieces and nephews I was their favorite too. I was the baby in the group after all. I loved visiting them. They always made me breakfast every morning and would make really good dinners each night. My aunt’s potato salad is legendary. My favorite was cheese pie(also called ice box pie). Which is basically cream cheese, sugar, and/or sweetened condensed milk, and lemon zest put in a graham cracker crust and set in the refrigerator. They also made sure that when you left, you were sent on your way packed with pie, cookies, and other baked goodies for your trip home.

My aunt is just a fun person to be around and talk to. She loves good music, good food, good scotch, dancing, and is an amazing seamstress. One of my fondest childhood memories is when my mom and I took the train from Florida to Philly for a long weekend. It was right after Stevie Wonder’s ‘Hotter Than July’ album had come out and my aunt had just bought it. The whole time we were there, that record was played over and over with my aunt and mom singing along. To this day, I can’t here the songs ‘All I Do’, ‘Lately’, or ‘Happy Birthday’ without a smile coming to my face.

Of all of my dad’s siblings, uncle Herbie looks the most like him. Herbie was a lot like my dad in many ways, but always seemed way cooler. He was soft spoken, yet you always knew what he was thinking. And unlike with my father, I never felt uncomfortable or afraid to be left alone with him out of fear of what to talk about. He was easy to hold a simple conversation with. He also had an amazing sense of style. When he put on a suit to go to bible meetings or for other special occasions, he looked like he stepped out of a scene from Mad Men. Uncle Herbie was the black Don Draper.

They both had really close relationships with all of their kids. Their house in Philadelphia was always filled with people. My aunt made sure that they all got together for family dinners on a regular basis. Mostly at her house, but some times my cousins would host. I loved it when we would travel up from Florida to visit. It was the only time in my life that I actually had a sense of family. I remember being jealous of my cousins because they experienced all of that on a regular basis. I silently thought that after graduating high school I was going to move to Philadelphia and live with my uncle and aunt. Clearly, that didn’t happen.


The death of uncle Herbie has me filled with so many thoughts and emotions. I see how hard it’s hitting my parents. The four of them were really close. I’ve heard many stories of their fun times back when they all still lived in Brooklyn. I know this isn’t going to be easy for them. My father said that, even though he knew it was coming, it still hasn’t really sunk in yet. My mother cried for several hours Sat night. The worse part for them is that they won’t be able to attend the funeral. It’s really too far for my mother to travel with her health, and my father doesn’t want to leave her. 

I am also overcome with sadness because I won’t be able to attend myself. Financially I just can’t do it. Knowing that I won’t be able to be there for my aunt on that day brings tears to my eyes as I type this. I told my dad that he should try and go, even if for only a day; that my mother would be ok since I was there. But, he said no. They are at a point in their lives where they are never apart. He also feels that he is the only one that can really take care of her properly. So, I expect this week and the next few weeks to be really hard on them. It makes me really glad that I am back here with them during this time.


This also has me thinking about my parents remaining years. I can’t help but wonder how many years with them do I have left. Am I ready for it? Is one ever ready for such a thing? Are my parents affairs(wills, power of attorney, etc.) in order? How do I bring the topic up without becoming emotional? Is that even possible? I’m sure I’ll figure it out in the end. Right now, my main focus is to get through this mourning period for our family.

As I write this I have ‘Hotter Than July’ playing in the background. The song ‘Lately’ just finished and I am overcome with emotion as I think of how much my favorite uncle Herbie will be missed. R.I.P. uncle Herbie.