Category: Uncategorized

To most of my friends it’s no secret that I am a huge fan of tennis. I watch tournaments online and on t.v. religiously. I truly am a fanatic. My room mates and I had The Tennis Channel when I was still living in SF. The amount of hours of tennis watching that I subjected them to clearly shows what good and patient people they were. I currently play about 2 to 3 times a week or more. And tennis channel is still a must on my television.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written a blog entry. 14 months to be exact. But, who’s counting? So much has gone on in that time. A lot got worse before things got better. But, things are better and that’s the important thing. Where should I begin? 

While most were celebrating father’s day yesterday, my family was mourning the death of my dad’s brother Herbert. Affectionately known as Herbie, my uncle died Saturday evening in Philadelphia. My mother knocked on my door to tell me before laying in her bed and succumbing to tears. My father retreated to the garage (his man den) in silence. The silence was palpable.

This was not a sudden event. Uncle Herbie had been in the hospital for a few months. Still, my aunt  had been unable to accept that he was slipping away. Who could blame her. Uncle Herbie and his wife Bertha, known affectionately as Dolly, had been together close to 70yrs. They have 6 kids, 8 grand kids, and 2 great grand kids and counting. I can only imagine the grief and sorrow that she is going through right now. 

Uncle Herbie and aunt Dolly are my favorite uncle and aunt. Partly because they are the ones I got to see and know the most growing up. But, I just liked them more than the others. I also like to think that of all of their nieces and nephews I was their favorite too. I was the baby in the group after all. I loved visiting them. They always made me breakfast every morning and would make really good dinners each night. My aunt’s potato salad is legendary. My favorite was cheese pie(also called ice box pie). Which is basically cream cheese, sugar, and/or sweetened condensed milk, and lemon zest put in a graham cracker crust and set in the refrigerator. They also made sure that when you left, you were sent on your way packed with pie, cookies, and other baked goodies for your trip home.

My aunt is just a fun person to be around and talk to. She loves good music, good food, good scotch, dancing, and is an amazing seamstress. One of my fondest childhood memories is when my mom and I took the train from Florida to Philly for a long weekend. It was right after Stevie Wonder’s ‘Hotter Than July’ album had come out and my aunt had just bought it. The whole time we were there, that record was played over and over with my aunt and mom singing along. To this day, I can’t here the songs ‘All I Do’, ‘Lately’, or ‘Happy Birthday’ without a smile coming to my face.

Of all of my dad’s siblings, uncle Herbie looks the most like him. Herbie was a lot like my dad in many ways, but always seemed way cooler. He was soft spoken, yet you always knew what he was thinking. And unlike with my father, I never felt uncomfortable or afraid to be left alone with him out of fear of what to talk about. He was easy to hold a simple conversation with. He also had an amazing sense of style. When he put on a suit to go to bible meetings or for other special occasions, he looked like he stepped out of a scene from Mad Men. Uncle Herbie was the black Don Draper.

They both had really close relationships with all of their kids. Their house in Philadelphia was always filled with people. My aunt made sure that they all got together for family dinners on a regular basis. Mostly at her house, but some times my cousins would host. I loved it when we would travel up from Florida to visit. It was the only time in my life that I actually had a sense of family. I remember being jealous of my cousins because they experienced all of that on a regular basis. I silently thought that after graduating high school I was going to move to Philadelphia and live with my uncle and aunt. Clearly, that didn’t happen.


The death of uncle Herbie has me filled with so many thoughts and emotions. I see how hard it’s hitting my parents. The four of them were really close. I’ve heard many stories of their fun times back when they all still lived in Brooklyn. I know this isn’t going to be easy for them. My father said that, even though he knew it was coming, it still hasn’t really sunk in yet. My mother cried for several hours Sat night. The worse part for them is that they won’t be able to attend the funeral. It’s really too far for my mother to travel with her health, and my father doesn’t want to leave her. 

I am also overcome with sadness because I won’t be able to attend myself. Financially I just can’t do it. Knowing that I won’t be able to be there for my aunt on that day brings tears to my eyes as I type this. I told my dad that he should try and go, even if for only a day; that my mother would be ok since I was there. But, he said no. They are at a point in their lives where they are never apart. He also feels that he is the only one that can really take care of her properly. So, I expect this week and the next few weeks to be really hard on them. It makes me really glad that I am back here with them during this time.


This also has me thinking about my parents remaining years. I can’t help but wonder how many years with them do I have left. Am I ready for it? Is one ever ready for such a thing? Are my parents affairs(wills, power of attorney, etc.) in order? How do I bring the topic up without becoming emotional? Is that even possible? I’m sure I’ll figure it out in the end. Right now, my main focus is to get through this mourning period for our family.

As I write this I have ‘Hotter Than July’ playing in the background. The song ‘Lately’ just finished and I am overcome with emotion as I think of how much my favorite uncle Herbie will be missed. R.I.P. uncle Herbie.

Every year on this day, America celebrates the many courageous men and women who have fought and are still fighting to protect this nation. On this day my thoughts are also on the season of summer. Even though the The Old Farmer’s Almanac lists the first day of summer 2011 as June 21st, I think most people regard the Memorial Day Holiday as the official start to summer. So, here I sit thinking about all things summer.

I think of summer festivals, outdoor concerts, picnics in the park, and back yard barbecues. I think of pool parties, rooftop stargazing, weekend beach getaways, and sunsets on the beach. I think of pretty girls laying out in skimpy bikinis catching some rays. I think of shirtless guys showing off their hot bodies as they toss a frisbee back and forth in the park. Actually, I just think of shirtless guys in general. 🙂 

When I think of summer, I think of barbecue chicken and ribs, corn on the cob,  ice cold sweet tea or fresh squeezed lemonade, summer squash, potato salad, and juicy watermelon. I think of meeting my friends for Saturday afternoon margaritas on the back patio of our favorite bar. I think of taking a stroll out on the busy summer city streets to people watch. I think of dancing the night away to the latest summer jams.

Every summer there’s a song that comes out that really defines that summer. Over the years there have been some really good ones. But, for me, the one that I keep going back to is the one that came out the summer of my high school graduation. In 1991 DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince (Fresh Prince know today simply as Will Smith) had the song ‘Summertime.’ I used to listen to this song over and over. It never got old for me. Even today that song and summer go hand and hand for me. 

All of these these things combined have created some of my best summer memories. So, what do you all think of when it comes to summer? I would love to hear your thoughts of summer. Please leave your comments. 

K

Today I read an article on Advocate.com where a high school senior and his boyfriend in Sanford, Maine were crowned prom king and queen. I find this story so interesting for many different reasons.

Maine is a relatively small state, population wise. It has a population of 1.3 million people. In comparison, the city of Brooklyn, NY has a population of 2.5 million. The city of Sanford, ME has a population of roughly 20 thousand. The high school I went to was shared by two neighboring towns with a combined population of roughly 12 thousand. So going by the numbers, Sanford is a relatively small town. I mention this because small towns haven’t always been known for their liberalness, open mindedness, or acceptance of gay diversity…even if it is located in a more liberal part of the country.

When I think back 20 years to my high school days in a small town, I don’t remember any openly gay students. Sure, there were those students that we all heard rumors about; but, no one certainly was out and proud. And, no one went to school dances or prom with their gay bf/gf. I asked a friend if he thought he could have been brave enough to be out in high school, taken his bf to prom, and have his friends vote them as prom king and queen. He said “maybe…if he was growing up now. Certainly not some 20 years ago.” I know I wouldn’t have been brave enough to do it. So what made the kids in this story and other stories like theirs able to do it? I believe it’s not one thing; but, a combination of things that allowed them to do. 

First, the gay rights movement has come a long way in 20 years.There have been recent high profile people that have come out as gay (Don Lemon, Jared Max, Rick Welts) or gay supporters (Charles Barkley, SF Giants). Plus, there’s the It Get’s Better Project. So, there’s definitely been a palpable shift in how people are viewing gay people in America. 

Another thing that has helped, is having a supportive family. The article didn’t talk about the parents; but, clearly the kids in the article and the kids attending that school had to have open minded parents. Parents who encourage their children to be their authentic selves and to accept others different from themselves. This is tremendous for young gay kids. If they can learn to be themselves at an earlier age, they will be able to grow up to become secure and self confident adults. They won’t have to deal with the personal internal anguish that I dealt with at that age.

Lastly, these kids had to be attending an open minded school. The school officials didn’t try and stop the gay kids from bringing a date to prom. Nor did they stop these kids from being voted prom king and queen(which is basically a popularity contest). The school officials provided a safe space for these young gay boys to come, be with their friends, and enjoy a fun night together with their friends. After I realized (in horror) that I was actually old enough to be the father of one of these kids, I started thinking about what I would want for my own kids. And, I would like to think that I would want nothing more  than for my kids to feel safe. Judging from the big smile on their faces, these kids felt safe.

It’s not just one thing or person that is going to permanently shift the way people view gays in the world. As with the kids in this article, it’s going to take a village…a global village to really make a permanent change. Are you part of that village?

The other night I was in the kitchen making dinner. My father was doing his usual nightly ritual in the garage. This ritual consists of sitting in his boxers and a bathrobe, watching tv. It’s become his own little man cave. Anyway, while I was making my dinner I heard him do something that was equally funny and sweet at the same time. 

First, let me just say that my parents have two phone lines in the house. One for regular calls, that rings in the kitchen and in their bedroom; and the other for the dsl in my room and in the garage. So rather than having my mother scream his name from upstairs, he just has her call him in the garage and tell him what she wants instead. Whenever I hear her phone him in the garage, I always giggle to myself.


On this particular night, he actually phoned her instead. After I started giggling to myself, I heard what the nature of his call was about. He had run across her favorite old movie on tv and wanted her to know so that she could turn her tv in the bedroom to watch it. The giggling stopped. I thought it was a very sweet gesture. One that I would never have expected him to make.


Growing up I always considered my parents relationship to be tenuous because they argued a lot. I always thought that they were together because of the children and because they didn’t believe in divorce. I don’t ever remember my father making any kind of demonstratively romantic gesture towards my mother. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve both mellowed out with age and are nicer to each other; or, if it’s just because I choose to only remember the negative things about my parents that makes this gesture so astonishing. Either way, on this night It was this one little thing that caught my attention and made me begin to really see my father in a different light. 


It made me stop and think about the way I think about my parents. I’ve been resentful and holding grudges about a lot of different things. But, maybe if I try and look past all the negative issues that I hold against them; I might actually see something deeper and subtle that my resentment and grudge holding has kept me blinded from. It made me realize that your loved ones really aren’t looking for some sort of grand gesture to show them that you love them. It’s the little things that make the difference. It’s the little thing of offering to help my father clean the garage before being asked. It’s the little thing of popping my head into my mother’s room a few times a day and talking with her. It’s the little things that really say, I love you. 

I still have issues with them. But, it’s the little things that are helping me get past them.